Nightmares....

I know this is crazy but I had the WORST dream last night. The nightmares seem to come and go. Some nights I wake up in sweat and breathing hard. Memories and I guess future fears.
I was doing well with the nightmares until Riley's new findings, her leaky valve. I have spoke to some very educated CHD "experts" as I call them and they did explain it more but I still cannot seem to let it go just yet. I know that she will limit herself but my thing is; what if she falls and it makes the leak bigger? or what if I wreck and the same thing happens? I know that these fears and worries will eventually fade but last night I had a dream that we were on a swing and I pushed her, she fell and turned blue. Everyone was looking at me as I was yelling for help but no one would. I didn't get through the dream because I woke up running to her making sure she was breathing. I wish they would go away and not come back. I swear moms of CHD kids and ACHD's possibly have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
I am trying to give it to God, trying really hard, but I am not sure why I am still holding on to this finding. Possibly fear of the unknown? Caught me off guard? Want my kid to be ok? Maybe I need more research but guess what, all the research I found is all Adults with healthy hearts who are in their 40's and 50's or its about valve replacement. SSSOOOOO...if anyone could give me a good site, I would appreciate it! God Bless....

My new Blog Page!

So I am proud to say I have created a blog. Yes I know it is not as fancy as others but it gets my point across and that is what matters. The style will come later, contents is more important. Riley has a CHD, or Congenital Heart Defect, called Transposition of the Great Arteries. She had a balloon atrial seseptomy(?) at 8 hours old. A fancy word saying a heart cath that opens the hole in her heart more so her blood can mix to prolong her life so she could make it to DC for open heart surgery. She had open heart surgery at 5 days old. I have been through tons of trial in my life but NOTHING prepares you for seeing your newborn child after open heart surgery. She sees the cardiologist and will continue throughout her life. She has done well. The last visit the Cardiologist found that she has a leak in her aortic valve. Still unsure of what that means and what that entails but I gather, monitor, observe, and repair when needed. Anyway, I am grateful for each day that I have been given with her. I have made great friends. I have seen many CHD babies pass away and earn their wings. I choose to contribute to the CHD community because I had no idea that CHD's even existed until I was brought into this world with my little hero. I thank God for what I have in my life.